Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
