I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
