After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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