im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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