I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
