Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
