i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
