I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
