you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
