oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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