Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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