My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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