My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
