My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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