We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
