i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize