1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
All I want is dick and wine.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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