Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
