my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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