I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
