My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
