I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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