Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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