My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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