i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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