oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
