don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
