I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am available for nakedness
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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