OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Never underestimate the power of titties
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
