Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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