I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it penis luge time yet?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize