dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
