i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That accounts for only three of the penises
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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