theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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