the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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