I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
