too bad you live with your parents still
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
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Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
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Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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