I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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