She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
