Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
