This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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