my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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