Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
