I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
