Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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