i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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