It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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