So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
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His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
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Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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