The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
