ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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