cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
