He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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