We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
