Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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