oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my being single is dangerous.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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