the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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