there's paper in my vomit.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
