I love black thongs
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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